Hearts and Diamonds

Last night I had a beautiful dream about Chris.

We were shopping in a clothing store that had a door leading onto an entrance ramp to an airplane. I walked on to the airplane still wearing the green cargo pants I had tried on in the store, accidentally stealing them.

When I got to the airplane entrance, I leaned toward the stewardess and whispered to her with a huge smile on my face, “I’m going to marry him again.” pointing at Chris.

Once in my seat, I turned around and looked behind me and way in one of the back seats was Chris, reading the paper wearing one of his knit black hats and his black glasses. I turned around with the feeling that I was okay because I knew where he was an he was with me.

Then, Chris was next to me and a female rabbi was performing a marriage ceremony for us. When I looked down at the ring finger on my left hand, there was a brand new diamond ring on it with a heart-shaped diamond. I kept staring at it, watching it glimmer and then looking at the compilation of our engagement/wedding rings that I now wear on my right hand ring finger. I thought, “I have an old ring and now I have a new ring.” I looked at Chris, and feeling all of the love and warmth I felt every time I ever looked at him in life, I said, “I was going to ask you to marry ME, too!” My heart was full. He was next to me. We were married again.

I woke up feeling full, happy, hopeful and with the feeling that the two of us will, one day, look back at this period and talk about why it happened, how we handled it and how our souls will be married for all of eternity.

I woke up feeling like I could go to Davis Square, order a cup of coffee, sit and look pretty and see if any men approached me. For the first time, I felt like that's something that could be okay to do.

Sometimes I just feel like he’s around me, especially during the times when I begin to feel scared and unable to move.

I know that no matter what, I will always be married to Chris, even well after I meet and marry a potential new husband.