Friday, September 2, 2005

Night and Day

Worse than an out and out crying fit is feeling extreme heaviness and sadness and an inability to cry.

Nothing is helpful. I’m so distraught and angry. I want this nightmare to end and I want my Chris to come back and be with me like he used to. I want cancer to have never happened and I want Chris’ death to have been a bad dream. All I can think about is having him next to me again.

Well, that inability to cry was a brief one.

We led such a simple life. I know it’s neither here nor there, but Chris did not deserve to die.

I’m so tired.

Even as I’m sitting here crying, I’m psyched about going out with my friends tomorrow night. How can both of my worlds be so different from one another? My sorrow is entirely overwhelming and my joy is, too.

Maybe it’s time to sleep.

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