That’s the way it hits me when it hits. I panic and remember what I forgot and feel guilty for forgetting it.
I should feel happy for the moments that are free of memories of our ordeal but instead I feel panic and guilt. How can I rejoice in song?
Tonight's rehearsal was in Natick and when I have rehearsal and it runs late and I get tired and I have to drive forty minutes to get home, panic sets in and I can't believe a year and a half has passed and I'm now in Natick, Massachusetts rehearsing for a show that's opening in three weeks. It doesn't mean a fraction of what it used to mean to me.
I get to be sultry and sexy on stage and all I can think is that Chris would have gotten a kick out of it.
I’m awake and my nerves are taut, preventing me from relaxing. I wish I could cry, but so far I’m having no luck. I just feel a dead weight in my heart.
And I still feel like a made a HUGE mistake losing him, like I must have done something, or forgotten to do something, like I left the baby on top of the car.It’s an awful feeling of having forgotten to do something.
Oh yeah! I forgot to keep my husband! Of course.
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Hi it's been a while since I commented, but I still stop by on occasion to read how you are doing.
ReplyDeleteTake care, You're only human.
Aw, Hi Famous Jody! I remember you! You're the one with the tomatoes! I went to your blog and tried to e-mail you but there doesn't appear to be an option. Thanks for stopping by. You're sweet.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm the Tomato girl. Now I'm into trying to keep a Gardenia alive and well. I didn't set up an email, but might change that sometime. : )
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