All work and no play...(You know the rest.)

I was going to stay in last night after work since I have a psychology final exam this Monday evening. None of my friends were around and I finally succumbed to the thought that I would sit home, study a little, grieve a lot and then go to sleep.

Instead, I went to see my friend perform at a Thai food restaurant in Salem. One of my friends was there, so we enjoyed dinner and wine and fun music. I’m glad I went.

Today, my plan was to stay in all day and study for my exam and then go to my voice lesson at 4:00. It’s a good plan. However, one of my friends invited me over before my lesson to have coffee. I gave him a solid, stern, “No.” and we hung up. The moment I put my phone down, I picked it back up, called him back, and said I would come over at 2:00. Go me. Way to flip responsibility the bird.

I have just opened up my laptop to begin studying, but as you can see, I began writing this instead. Is there no hope for me?

I’m ready to give barbeque-guy a name. His name is Marc. Saying it feels good. Even though every one of our dates has been followed up with an overwhelming, crushing grief setback, once the dust settles, I feel good about him. I’m still scared. I’m still sad. But I like knowing he’s around. We don’t talk too much at this point. We each have our very busy separate lives. That’s a good thing because if I had met someone who was all about pushing things forward too fast, this could all be too much for me. This almost-no-pace-at-all is exactly what I need.

I had invited him to come with me last night earlier in the week and he didn’t call to answer me either way. I didn’t mind. I just figured he didn’t want to come. Then last night, he called me up and sincerely apologized for not calling me. His week went by so fast that he finally looked at the e-mail again and realized that last night was the night. I didn’t mind. It’s okay if he didn’t want to come. He’s stressed out about his time and I don’t mind that, either. Building trust is about accepting those things about others . If that’s who he is, then that’s who I have met and I just want to begin building trust and letting him know that it’s all okay.

We get along nicely. He reminds of Chris in a lot of ways. Good ways. Even his time-neurosis, although with Chris it was a money-neurosis. He has personal interests. So do I. So did Chris.

Anyway...Introducing.....Marc.

I just hope Chris is holding my hand through this. I really need him to.

Shneed.