Play-by-Play Grief

I feel different and I am afraid of it. I haven’t cried in a couple of days, which is quite remarkable and unlike me.

I miss Marc. I actually miss Marc, and I can feel an onslaught of guilt threatening to wash over me.

I look at Chris’ pictures with the same fondness and love I felt when he was alive and the same sadness since his illness and ultimate death.

And I look forward to seeing Marc.

I’m trying, Creej. I’m really trying.

I keep dreaming of loneliness and waking up feeling empty and sad.

And I feel so damned tired today.

Still, the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, I’m pulling the chaos aound me into order and I am enjoying today’s solitude.