I dreamed I was back wth Chris, last night. He looked really good, although he was thinner than I remember him in life. I miss his dark, thick hair. I don’t remember too much about my dream, other than we hugged. I loved hugging him.
I have been a bit sad for the past couple of days. The guy I'm dating went away for 12 days, which, oddly enough, has sparked a small grief reaction in me. Clay went away for 3 weeks, too, which I suppose sparks off another small grief reaction.
Since he left, I made a deal with myself to allow myself to really think about Chris the entire time he’s gone. I need to. I want to. I keep remembering things that happened, things we said, times we shared, his smile, his hair, our interactions, our love...the list is endless.
I was talking with a friend last night about how strange grief is, in that there is always a belief buried way down deep in my psyche that loops the same tape over and over again...
He might come back. He could come back. I need to wait for that day
That will never happen, but the tape keeps on rolling. My guilt exists around that tape.
I’m a little heart-heavy, today. I’m giving myself a headache.
It’s coffee-time.
Shneed
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