Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Fighting It

I’m more tired than I should have probably let myself get, tonight. I left work with the best of intentions, did a bit of Christmas shopping, called some friends, hopped on the bus and started home. I stepped off of the bus and began to walk through the park to my apartment and suddenly found myself crying.

I hate nights like these. My crying-while-walking-home spells have become very few and far between, but when they hit, I don’t even try to stop them. I have only my tears to pay tribute to Chris and if I have to stop, I don’t know how I would reassure the memory of him that I cared, that I still care, that I loved him and that I will always love him. It’s a game I play with myself.

I cried for a while, and then ate, and then toyed with my computer and now I’m over-ready for bed, drunk with exhaustion. I could fall asleep right here on the couch with my fingers still on the keyboard.

In just 2 weeks, Chris will be 5-years gone. I hate that.