Ativan is like training wheels. Tonight, I think for the first time, I am successfully managing to make a conscious decision (albeit a drunk one) NOT to cry over whatever offends me.
Taking tonight's half an ativan, I feel as though I am saying, "Look Mum! No hands! I'm doing it! I'm not crying!"
I am still in the red zone and could cry any minute, but within fifteen minutes, I won't even be entertaining the thought. I do need the ativan, right now, to help me not lose control. But someday I won't need it. Someday, I wil know that it's okay not to mention my widowhood and to just say "Hi." to people who don't really matter to me.
Fuck. I can be so self-righteous.
Oh well. Such is life.
Shneed.
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