I had the funniest, most silly night tonight drinking wine with my friend, Robby. That’s why I’m not going to cry, now, over a meaningless encounter with some person I have not seen in twenty-plus years. That’s why I swallowed half an ativan even though I drank two delicious glasses of pinot noir entitled “irony.” Ah, it all makes so much sense now.
The evening was sheer euphoria after spending all day long in 19th century China, writing a 8-10 page paper for my history class. It’s almost done. I celebrated...or escaped...tonight by enjoying an evening with one of my best friends.
At the end of the evening, a woman approached me and said, “Robin?” and recognizing her right away, I replied, “Dottie!” The girl I grew up right across the street from recognized me and came over to say hello. She introduced me to her friends as Robin Orloff and I corrected her. “It’s Robin Burrage.” I said to which she, understandably, replied, “Oh. You got married?” and I saId, “And widowed. “
Her reply was, “Ew. Too much information!”
I wanted to say, “Oh, I’M sorry to have made you as uncomfortable as I was when my husband DIED.’” but of course I didn’t. She had been drinking wine and I caught her by surprise. Her response, even if I hate it, was perfectly normal. That’s what’s wrong with our society. Death is taboo, instead of being what it is, which is N O R M A L.
So, tonight, I am NOT going to cry. There are too many wonderful people in my life for me to focus on somebody I haven’t seen in twenty-plus years. My friends are there for me and they understand my snippy retorts and they laugh about them with me and we all know that death is just a part of life. Anybody who can’t understand that, is seriously sheltering himself from the inevitable. We are ALL going to die.
Ah. It feels GREAT to have said that.
Cheers.
Shneed
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Death is normal. Your old acquaintance really blew it. Her response was crass and insensitive and obviously about her and not the information you shared. The woman is an oaf.
ReplyDeleteI'm with anonymous. "Crass and insensitive" indeed. As I recall, she always kind of a "bitch," if ya feel me.
ReplyDeleteWhoops...I meant to say she WAS always kind of a "bitch."
ReplyDeleteIt's not really about being a "bitch," Our society is just terrified about anything having to do with death. All that happened was I caught her off guard during a fun night out and reminded her that, yes, even young people that we love can die. Her reaction was one of discomfort and fear. I'm not afraid, anymore, so when I am on the receiving end of a death story, I am able to sympathize with the person who is sharing his story with me. I'm sure I was not always that "available." It's not her fault.
ReplyDeleteYour response is baffling. You lost your husband and you deserve to be treated better. Your old acquaintance's response was inappropriate for a 12 year old. She is accountable for her comment, not society. If she was uncomfortable, it should have been due to her unacceptable response to the information that you shared. Before you experienced your sad loss would you have responded to a woman who had lost her husband with "Ew!"? I really think not.
ReplyDeleteMay she one day learn to be as kind as you are.