I have turned a corner, it seems...finally. I am loving my life with Jonathan. Life is fun, again.
After Chris’ death, I thought lightness was a feeling confined to my past, but I’m beginning to see what I have been told since the beginning of the end -- that I will be happy, again. I already am.
I can tell I have turned a corner, because every few days, I experience a sudden shortness of breath when I realize I haven’t thought about my sweet Chris in a while. I’m having trouble holding onto the horrors of the events leading up to his diagnosis and ultimate death. I’m beginning to lose the sharpness and strength with which those memories used to choke me.
The change is mostly welcome, but I have also been feeling some guilt, which is natural, I suppose. I never want to forget my Chris. Ever. I still want him here, even though he has been gone for over four years. Not a day goes by that I don’t hold images of him in my mind and love for him in my heart, and gratitude towards him for making me the person I am today.
Jonathan and I are in love. I never dreamed love could happen for me, again.
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Oh, I'm so pleased you have found joy and lightness again. I would think the guilt is natural, as you say, and will hopefully fade with time.
ReplyDeleteI am a fellow widow, and have followed your blog for a couple of years.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you, you have come such a long way.
Diane