I’m sitting at my desk, at work, trying to gain control of an very strong urge to cry.
Yesterday, after lunch, I brought all of my containers and mugs to the kitchen area to wash. I left, and was going to come back in a few moments, but I forgot. This morning, my dishes were nowhere to be found. Among them was Chris’ big soup-mug that he bought (he bought me a blue one) so we could enjoy enormous amounts of coffee on Saturday mornings. I still have mine, but his now seems to be gone. I wasn’t ready for this.
I know it’s a very small thing in the large scheme, but that doesn’t seem to be helping me at this precise moment. I want to go hide somewhere and cry, and I want to apologize to him for being careless.
Maybe it’ll turn up. I don’t want to think that a disgruntled cleaning person threw my mug away in an oppressive outburst. But I do.
It’s silly, but if I moved forward after witnessing Chris’ deterioration and death, I know I can move forward after the loss of his green mug.
Stuff is going away…and I’m scared…and sad.
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It's not silly. The mug was a tangible tie and comfort, and now it's gone. It's not silly at all to feel sad, want to cry.
ReplyDeleteI hope it turns up.