Suddenly Seymour

For a week or two each month Creej would feel pretty good in between chemo treatments so he would come to meet me in town and we’d walk home together. Today feels like one of those days. Sitting at my desk, I can still feel what it felt like to have him walking next to me, standing next to me, just being next to me. His body. What I wouldn’t give to be able to hug him again; to feel him and experience the surge of love I felt each time I laid eyes on him.

There were times during our relationship when I would bump into him, unexpectedly, on the street. One such time he was walking from our apartment to the train station and I was walking from the train station to our apartment. We thought we might cross paths and when we did it was pure magic; more magical than living with him under the same roof. Bumping into Creej unexpectedly was one of my favorite things in the world. Just to see him coming up the street sent a euphoric excitement coursing through my soul. As the distance between us closed, my knees would buckle as we recognized and stood smiling at each other. I would always wrap my arms around his neck and hold him, feeling the love coursing through my veins (a Creej-ism). I hoped everyone was watching and seeing how lucky I was to be with him. That’s how I felt on a daily basis; just plain lucky and so full of love. (Another Creej-ism)

Does love like that come only once in a lifetime? Part of me hopes so, because the thought of loving that much again makes me feel like my Creej would be slipping away. Part of me hopes not, because having that much beauty and light surrounding me every day was truly a gift and to feel that again would be to remember that it was Chris who first showed me that love.

Chris defined my standard and who knew my standard would be as simple as a quiet, sweet little guy who taught me the meaning of happiness and the value of simplicity?