An Abundance of Chris Dreams

I was jut telling Bonnie how mad I was that Chris never comes into my dreams and lo and behold, I make a decision to let go, and my dreams have been abundant with Chris’ presence. It’s always so nice to see him.

Chris was in my dreams again last night He had com down to visit me and we were hanging out together in our bed.

In one vignette, he was wearing darkish blue jeans and black button down short sleeve shirt with white specky-dots all over it. His hair was black and thick and he had his glasses on. My eyes kept drifting toward his abdomen, trying to see if the cancer was there.

Then I was driving to Davis Square with Creej, but we had decided to park in Porter Square and walk to Davis. I missed a parking space and kept driving and then there was a parking space on Willow Street. Creej yelled, “Right there!” and I pulled in. We discussed the possibility of finding a closer spot and then decided to remain where we were. For a moment, I thought I didn’t have any change to put in the meter, but then I remembered the change I keep in my ash try at all times and presented it to Chris. There were lots of quarters. Chris was pleased with me, which made me very happy. That’s a feeling I had forgotten all about, the satisfaction and comfort I always felt when Creej approved of even the tiniest thing I did. I loved remembering that that’s what I got from him constantly.

I was alone, driving in my van toward toward Kenmore Square, all the while aware that I was headed toward Fenway Park. There was some flood water and when I looked ahead I saw a van, jumping in and out of a huge sink hole, just the way a dolphin jumps in and out of the water. The entire van would disappear into the water and then jump up and do spins and the bystanders kept clapping. I decided to choose an alternate route since there was so much traffic on this one. Some college kids, men and women, came into my van and I began to get nervous that they were going to rob me. They left, except for one woman. I didn’t know how to get her out of the van because I became frightened of her. She left, finally, and in the dream, I knew that Chris, from the other side, somehow made her leave. He was protecting me. In this dream, I was able to lift my van up effortlessly. It was flipped over on it’s roof and I simply picked it up and turned it over. Then I slid it over, repositioning it so that it was facing front and aimed at the driveway toward the street so that I could easily drive out of the parking lot and leave. The tires were low.


Finally, I was sitting on the bed next to him while he slept. I was looking at him through the lens of a camera. He was bald this time. Suddenly, he jumped up, his face appearing in the center of my lens, and with a look of shock on his face, he exclaimed, “It’s gone! I think it’s gone!!” He ran his hand all over the left side of his chest (just opposite where his port was, in life), his fingers running up and down the scar. I felt a surge of joy, much like i felt when his surgeon came to tell us that she got all of the cancer out of him. I had forgotten how that much joy could feel. I felt it in my dream, in my bedroom, next to my Creej as he gave me the news I had wanted to hear for fourteen months. It was really nice and Creej was so damn cute.

There was a young girl with long, brown hair in my dream wearing a clown-like or elf-like costume with red and white horizontally-stiriped tights. She had a red circle painted on her nose and she was sitting on the floor smiling at me. I felt love and reassurance.

Something within me has dislodged and I’m feeling a bit freer. I think that's why I'm able to dream about him, again.

It was nice seeing you, last night, Creej.