What it Means

I have never been one to be affected one way or another by the weather but I am so glad the sun is out again. Ten days of constant downpour activated my grief and regressed it back to the early months. Yesterday, the moment the sun came back, I felt enormously better.

They guy I went on my date with has gone away for a month and said he would e-mail me from his trip. True to his word, we have e-mailed back and forth a bit. The other night, seeing three appearances of his e-mail address in my inbox sent me into a fit of tears. The familiarty of his screen name reminded me of way back when Chris’ screen name became a familiar and welcome part of each morning. I became panicked and closed down my laptop. I can’t save his e-mails, yet. I’m too scared. Placing them into their own folder would be like admitting that he’s the new guy and I’m not prepared to do that yet. Still, he makes me happy. The prospect of seeing him on a regular basis horrifies me, though. I’m all wrapped up in what it means about what Chris meant to me. I am brought to the point of suffocation by that thought. I can’t breathe and I feel like crying. Still...he makes me laugh. I guess I’ll be doing the Jekyl and Hyde thing for a while.

At least the sun came back.

Anyway...I’m late for work.

Shneed