Rehearsal was very nice this evening. All of the songs are beginning to come together into a repertoire of which we can be very proud. I’m very nervous that we’re not going to attract enough audience members. We should be able to, I think. I hope. I have next week off from Tuesday on and I plan to immerse myself in the music until I am solid on every single harmony, inflection, costume change and stage movement.
I went on a date last week with a man I met on Match.com. He’s very nice and he makes me laugh. I’m nervous, though, because he suffers from chronic depression. I’m not really sure what to do. He’s quite adorable and we have similar senses of humor. His demeanor reminds me of Chris’ demeanor and that’s never a bad thing. Still, I’m not sure how I feel about his depression.
He is starting his own business, which also means that he is currently unemployed. He’s got drive, organization, goals and a sense of humor, though. Whatever. Time will flesh out our story, if there’s a story to be fleshed out.
I have another date this Friday evening with another Match.commer. This guy is also very nice, so far. We have spoken on the phone twice. He’s a bit scary, but only because he’s manlier than any man I have ever dated. I’m not used to being with manly men. He has his MFA in theater and works in the school system as an administrator/acting teacher. That’s really cool. So this guy has a career, which is very nice. He has a creative streak, too, and actually acts in plays when he can. He enjoys Shakesperean plays. I like that. He likes music, too, and he seems to have a shred of an interest (possibly) in musical theater. I’m looking forward to meeting him. He’s coming into Boston to meet me and we’ll probably go to Faneuil Hall, unless I can think of a better place.
I can be happy. I just can’t be happy like I used to be happy. The happiness of today comes with interruptions for me. I’m physically tired from the roller coaster ride.
I wonder what Diane will share with me tomorrow night. A lot, I hope.
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I can be happy. I just can’t be happy like I used to be happy.
ReplyDeleteYou took the words right out of my head.
I can only hope that someday, the happiness will be as great as the happiness I once knew, even if it is different.
I've been feeling so much sadness and loss lately; yes, my life is "good" and I am basically "happy." But the gut-level, essential happiness and goodness is gone.
Then I remember that 2 years is not such a very long time after all...
We need to assemble a book of famous quotes by Robin. This one is just priceless and FULL of a bittersweet kind of wisdom. As for Match.com man #1 and "chronic" depression, did HE say it's "chronic" or did a specialist say that? Furthermore (and I'd like you to think about this), depression comes in many forms and there are many "happy" people who have depression, myself included. See? So, it all depends on the level of his depression and how it affects him as well as those around him. Depression is NOT a strictly "shows on the face" kinda thing like some believe it to be. It's on the inside too. Thankfully, mine's on the inside and I just take it as it comes. Most of the time, I beat the crap out of it anyway. Some days are harder than others. My point? Don't let something like Depression scare you. We are ALL depressed in some way or another. The degrees of the depression vary from person to person. Okay? Food 4 thought.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry if I offended, Pungent. What I forgot to mention is that the only reason I was hesitant was because I kept imagining myself coming home to him and finding that he had hung himself. The depression, itself, didn't really bother me...only what could have happened because of it. It's just simple fear of losing another loved one.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I meant. I just wasn't aware of it until you called me on my seeming judgement. :)