Instead of crying this evening, which is exactly what I thought I would be doing upon returning home from a seven-and-a-half-hour rehearsal, I cracked open my psychology book and continued reading in preparation for this Tuesday evening’s class. I don’t feel like crying at all, now.
Coincidentally, in direct corroboration to my recent discovery that when I do what I am “supposed” to be doing, I feel better, reading this week’s assigned chapter, particularly the section regarding the Social-Cognitive Perspective, has helped me tremendously tonight.
The theory defines and explains both the external and internal locus of control. The section of the chapter that caught my attention mentions that university students who plan their day’s activities and live out their day as planned are at low risk for depression.
The moment I read that sentence I knew I had achieved another victory. For a person like me, who can quite frequently become frozen within her own reluctance to walk away from her grief and toward her future (even if that future stretches only as far as the next moment), doing what I am “supposed” to be doing and carrying out my responsibilities to myself, I have once again succeeded in laying my grief to rest rather than submitting to defeat.
I am happy. I feel fulfilled. I am extremely excited about psychology and I am going to sleep tonight exhausted in a good way with not so much as a fragment of Ativan in my bloodstream.
-Shneed
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Sounds to me as if this Psychology class is strangely instrumental in helping your understand the psychology of "you," Schneed. Good about the Ativan. You need to face this now without the numbing effects of the medication.
ReplyDeleteBright Light and Blessings to you, honey. You've been through quite a lot in the past couple of years, dear. Hold on. It will get better.