Visiting the Dead

Last night, I had a horrible nightmare.

Chris and I and many of my family members and friends were imprisoned in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. We were all dressed in beige and gray rags. The Nazis were announcing who was going to be extinguished and who was going to remain alive.

Since my emotions in my dreams are gleaned from my waking-state experiences, I identified the level of stress, horror, panic and dread in my dream as being the same stress, horror, panic and dread I felt for fourteen months straight while I worked, hoped and prayed harder than I ever had before to make Chris’ life as bearable as possible under the circumstances. During my slumber, my brain made the association between my level of horror and assigned the Holocaust to it.

None of us knew whether we would be selected to die or live and we all waited and listened to announcements blaring over prison yard loud speakers, awaiting our fates.

I found out I was not chosen to die but I was unable to let go of the panic and dread I felt because I didn’t know which, if any, of my loved ones were slotted for death.

Nobody I loved was chosen to die. I felt the panic drain from my soul and I felt I could drop to my knees expressing thankfulness. I was so thankful.

I found Chris, wrapped my arms around his neck, held onto him and said, “Thank you so much for loving me.”

I woke up feeling nauseous and I held onto my dream all day long until now because I felt too afraid to call it into my consciousness. My reunion with Chris was very powerful and I needed tonight to process.

I can’t imagine the horrors of Holocaust survivors and non-survivors. I have only read horrifying true accounts and watched documentaries on the subject. How can a person have that experience, all of the senseless cruelty and sadness stored in their memory and still continue on with life?

Even though I miss Chris with everything I have, I am well aware that my experience doesn’t come close to that which was endured in the death camps.

Tonight, I am feeling so very sorry for all of the people that died and watched their loved ones die at the hands of the Nazis.

I have a friend who believes that when we dream, we are actually visiting the afterlife, that our dreams are a portal through the veil.

I feel like I went to visit Chris last night and thank him. His love changed my life and that moment in my dream felt unbelievably and powerfully real. If humans can visit the spirit world, last night was my first visit.