Happy Birthday, Creej.

Today is Chris’ birthday and I’m pretty certain that he wouldn’t want me to cry all day, so I’m going to have to somehow find a way to stop. I feel like throwing up. I wish I could throw up.

After Chris died, I had my and his wedding bands and my engagement ring soldered together, moved the diamond from my thin band to his thicker band, and added six sapphire chips to symbolize the six years we were together. I’m wearing my ring, today, as a gesture of remembrance. Today, Chris would have been 38 years old.

Lately I have been feeling like I want to wear my ring, again, now that I’m not dating. I took it off in a fit of rage, last Christmas Eve. I also took it off because I was dating and I didn’t want men to see it and think I was married. The ring is beautiful, though, and I would love to keep in on my right hand. I just need to find a tactful way to find out how Jonathan would feel. Maybe he wouldn’t mind at all. I may ask him.

Last night, we shared with each other that we’re in love. :) I have been dying to sign my e-mails, “Love, Robin” but I hadn’t been able to muster up the courage, for fear of scaring him away. I think he just may be unscarable.

I’m heading to Western Massachusetts, today, to spend Chris’ birthday with Bonnie, Beth and my girls (the twins). It’s the only place I want to be, today and they’re the only people I want to be with. For all the horrible events that have occurred, I managed to glean a beautiful, loving family who are so dear to my heart, that it hurts (in a good way).

Happy Birthday, Creej.
I love you.
I always will.

Love, Shneed