Deep Breath...Okay, Now Relax.

Date guy e-mailed me today. He’s flying home tonight and asked me what I’m doing Memorial Day weekend.

When I saw his e-mail, I panicked for reasons unknown, shut down my computer and went to school, where I couldn’t concentrate at all. I like him, which really makes my panic annoying. So, on my way to the subway after class, I began to think it through and get in touch with the things about him that make me happy (his sense of humor, he’s cute, his musical ability) and get my mind off of the things that make me panic (that he’s not Chris, that I feel llike I’m cheating on Chris). I succeeded in calming myself and by the time I reached the station, I was happy that he e-mailed. I mean, he could have gone away and never spoken to me again. But he didn’t. He e-mailed me.

When I got to my truth, I realized that if I just relax, I can feel happiness and hopefulness.

My grief confuses me. I did get to my truth tonight, but it was a close call. What happened, esentially, is that I got mad at my grief. I’m tired of feeling it. I’m tired of crying. I want to stop. I focused on that desire tonight and I was able to answer his e-mail. I’m glad.

Shneed