Today ended up being a good day, although its false 4:00am start was tough. I finally went back to sleep at 5:30 after posting my last entry and dreamed about stressful situations and impossible outcomes.
I awoke for the second time at 9:30am to a voicemail message from a friend inviting me over to a remain-in-your-pajamas pancakes and coffee date. With ten minutes of waking state in me, I brushed my teeth, threw a coat over my jammies and headed to my car to drive myself to her house.
I conveyed to her my feelings that nobody wants to hear my grief woes anymore and that everybody expects me to be over the ordeal, and in her sweet, always compassionate way, she reassured me that none of my good friends expect me to be over anything, nor are the people who love me tired of listening to me work through my grief. I exhaled. Somehow, just knowing that they know how I feel during my moments of solitude made me feel loved again.
From her house, we went to watch her boyfriend play in his jazzband for a couple of hours. The weather was beautiful, I had no schoolwork to do, no new songs to learn and as a result, no kerfew.
We returned to her home afterwards where we enjoyed more coffee together and then I drove to the Cheesecake Factory to enjoy dinner with five others from the show in which I just performed. I had wanted to cancel out on them at 4:00am this morning. I’m glad I went. The evening was a lot of fun with a very nice group of people of whom I am very fond.
I did it. I turned it around.
I can feel myself getting back on track with the help of Zoloft. I really needed the help, this time. I feel as though a heavy, wet, cold blanket has been lifted off of me and I am beginning to dry off and warm up.
Thank goodness for the relief.
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