Love Again?

Since I can’t have you back, the one thing I want in this world is to love again the way that I loved you.

Since I can’t have you back.

I woke up upset this morning. I just miss him. If I could have Chris back, I would drop everything and just love him.

I miss the way we interacted.

Yesterday’s date with Marc was difficult. It was nice, but difficult. I just kept wanting to be walking on the beach with Chris, dining with Chris and kissing Chris.

My love for Chris became effortless. I want that, again. I didn’t think about what to do, what to say, how to look or how to feel with Chris. I was just me. I want that again.

I keep telling myself that getting to that point took a long time. I have to remind myself about how I wanted to end my relationship with Chris three months into it. I felt like I didn’t like him. Marc and I are already two months in and I feel some things, but I want to feel what I felt for Chris for Marc...or for somebody...anybody.

I still feel all that for Chris. I’m in love with my husband. I feel like I have to stop before anybody finds out. Before Marc finds out.

Or maybe I just need to still be me and anybody doesn’t like it, he’s free to go.

I love you, Creej.