Marc's Stay of Execution

Today, I managed to convince myself that Marc just isn’t the right guy for me. I had a bunch of reasons I could bring to mind very easily.

I shared all of the reasons over lunch with my friend and she agreed with me that he wasn’t right for me.

I wanted to date other guys. I wanted to be alone for a while, too. I wanted to focus on school, my life and my grief. Once I decided all of these things, I felt enormously relieved. It was just a matter of telling Marc and backing up and reclaiming my life.

Back at my desk, my cell phone rang and caller I.D. said Marc was calling. I panicked. I picked up my phone and hit the “ignore” button to stop the ringing. I was petrified. I couldn’t answer it. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to talk to him.

After taking a few breaths, I took my phone into an empty area of the office and called him back. We talked for a while. It was nice, as usual.

When I returned to my desk, there was an e-mail from my lunch-friend. She had pasted the following excerpt from an earlier entry of mine:

I elaborated to Marc that if one of my girlfriends had died, nobody would be telling me not to talk about her. Chris was my best friend. “Husband” is just a title.

Marc’s expression was one of thoughtful consideration and with a smile, he replied, “That’s why you married him. You wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t your best friend.”

Where did he come from? He embodies kindness, patience, optimism, good humor and brilliance. Marc is not without his own grief, having lost his bother, sister and father. He understands that what I feel is normal.

I’m still felling pretty terrified, but I feel a little better.

Way to grant Marc a stay of execution.