Chris and I would have been married three years, today. Now that the day is here, I feel a little bit better. Sleep did not come easy, last night. I lay beneath my electric blanket, sobbing for a while and fell asleep around eleven-thirty, only to awaken at 3:30.
I have said it before and I will say it again and again, this boxing workout is unbelievable. Boxing is a discipline and because my workout is supervised by a trainer, I am able and much more willing to maintain my focus for longer periods of time and with more energy than ever before. What I love the most is how I forget everything during the two hours I spend in the gym (2 and half hours, last night). After the workout, my endorphins keep me in a nice, natural, much needed and much appreciated state of serene relaxation for sometime afterwards.
This morning, while I tossed and turned trying to forget the pain in just about every part of my body, I began to cry once again. Suddenly, an image appeared in my mind’s eye of a red rose opening into bloom. I stopped crying and thanked Chris for the flower. I know he sent the thought into my mind. Then my brain began to wander again and I remembered how Chris’ tumor distorted his body. A thought immediately took over in my mind.
“That isn’t who I am, Shneed.”
The thought was so crisp and clear and instantaneous, that I believe Chris sent those words into my mind, as well.
“I love you.” I thought back. “I always have, even before we met.”
I felt comforted by the discourse taking place within me, two spirits forever intertwined, still communicating.
I’m still sad, and still so happy that we met and loved each other.
Happy Anniversary, my love.
-Shneed
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