It’s pretty interesting to me, how few tissues I use these days. In the beginning, I used to go through a box of tissues every day. Progress appears in the strangest ways.
Counting today, I haven’t cried in six days. I feel so light. I really want my life to be this way all the time.
My theory is that not seeing Clay for two weeks, of my own accord, has worked wonders in that I have allowed myself to go through two Thursdays without expecting myself to bring up all of the pain. Life has been nice without the constant threat of my Thursday evening purge. Clay’s going to call me soon to find out when/if I want to come back and I’m still not sure what to do. The way my schedule is, I don’t know if I even have time for therapy. Next semester I am taking three classes, working full time, beginning work on a new show, running and boxing. I think I may continue in my therapy-free world for as long as I want or need to. I can always see Clay if I feel that I need a “tune-up.”
Even though I am just at the beginning of the new book I am reading, the benefits have astounded me. The book, in case I haven’t already mentioned, is “The Power of Intention” by Wayne Dyer. It’s a self-help book and when I bought it, I made up my mind that I would read it on the T, proudly. I’m not hiding because self-help books have a bad reputation. I like them and I am going to continue to help myself my entire life through.
The difference in these past six days, and I believe it’s because of the help I am getting from this book, is that I still think about Chris constantly, but I don’t cry. I want so badly for this to be the way my life is. I never want him far from my mind and I never want to cry about our ordeal, again.
I’m going out to enjoy the day before it turns into another work week.
Light, happy, free from worry,
Shneed
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